


Sins to never answer

by RedEyedQueen21



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Guilt, Loss, Loss of Parent(s), bereavement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 16:50:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19009849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedEyedQueen21/pseuds/RedEyedQueen21
Summary: Jon wiped his nose again, expecting Gendry to say something cloying-ly sympathetic. But instead he laughed, a chuckle really. “You believe all this is funny?!” Jon asked incredulously.Gendry cleared his throat, but a smirk still pulled at his lips. “You honestly believe you caused all this?” he asked.---Two weeks have passed since Jon left for the Night Watch, believing no one would care to look for him or look out for him.





	Sins to never answer

He hears the growl before he sees him.

Ghost.

“Ghost?” He whispers quietly to himself, the Wildlings are still moseying around, setting up camp for the night.  The sky was only now beginning to dim, he turned around him to see where Ghost had gone and spots him further down, it seems like he’s waiting for Jon.

Jon huffs, he’s not expecting this to be easy. He made his peace with his dire wolf before he left and had assumed it would be enough.

Apparently not.

Jon walked towards the animal, choosing not to alert the others about where he was heading off to.

He called out for Ghost again, continuing to follow the wolf over 50 yards from the camp site. “Ghost?” the wolf would only pause for a moment to look back to make sure Jon was still following him before walking off. Jon sighed, not understanding what the bloody hell was going on.

“I swear to all Seven Gods that if its you Bran-” he half growled, annoyed.

“Already threatening your king?” Asked a familiar female voice.

“He’s his brother, it makes more sense that way.” Answered another familiar voice, his tone mirth.

Jon turned around to see Davos and Brienne, both smiling bashfully at him and both tired.

“Ser Brienne. Ser Davos. ” He nodded at the taller woman and then at the older man. He couldn’t help but give them a strained smile. He missed familiar faces, warm and kind familiar faces. “What on earth brought you two here?”

“They’re here because of me.” A male voice answered softly.

Jon turned around again, his eyes blown wide to see who had spoken. “Lord Baratheon.” Jon bowed his head.

Gendry rolled his eyes, “If you’re gonna call me Lord Baratheon, then I’m still calling you King, my grace.” Gendry smiled as he took steps closer to Jon. He could see the wear and tear of the other man’s face. It had only been nearly two weeks since Jon left King’s Landing.

Gendry was relieved to have found the other man after a searching the north for days after he had received a raven from the Night Watch confirming that Jon never made it. He wanted to know what happened, he wanted to know that he had time to intercept Jon before he reached the Night Watch.

It didn’t take too much to convince Brienne and Davos to come along to find the lost King of North. All three had agreed whatever Jon’s punishment would be, that they would assist to make sure that it never happened. Damn the court’s ruling on the matter.

He was ecstatic when Brienne found traces of the Wildlings.  He was shit worthless in the snow, but having Brianne and Davos helped.

“I’m not King.” Jon reminded him pointedly, while his face was forming a scowl, his eyes were blank, near tears.

“You’re still mine.” Gendry admitted. He sighed when Jon took a step back, his head now cast down.

“You better hope Bran never hears you say that.” He rubbed at his nose, “What are you doing here, Gendry?” Jon asked when he finally looked up. “You’re a far way from Storm’s End.”

“I came here for you, to bring you back with me to Storm’s End.” Gendry stated simply.

“What for?”

“I promised you that I wouldn’t leave you, that’s still the case.” Gendry answered, he watched as the answer washed over Jon. At first the shorter man seemed confused but then an odd look of hurt passed over him.

“No, it isn’t. Go back, Lord Baratheon.” Jon warned, turning around to walk back to the camp, only to be pulled back by Gendry. “I left your side by your commands, twice! I’m not doing that again. I’m not losing you again. You’re worth more than this, your grace!” Gendry nearly yelled, the anger now apparent in his face. He knew getting Jon back wouldn’t be easy, he was ready for whatever Jon would throw at him.

“I’m not a King, nor was I ever one! Don’t you understand that?!” Jon yelled back at him, taking a step closer in rage at Gendry.

“Of all the bloody damn people in Westeros, you don’t think I understand that?!” Gendry yelled back, “Did you honestly think that I wanted to be this?” Gendry wavered his hand to himself, “Lord of a Storm’s End?!” He shouted, “No! I never asked for any of this! I was a lowly bloody bastard of no one only years ago.”

Jon became quiet at that, “Is that what this is?” he asked, earning a look of confusion from Gendry, “Revenge for telling the Queen about you?”

Gendry rolled his eyes at that, dropping his hands at his sides. ‘And I thought I was stubborn arse!’

“No!” Gendry exclaimed as Jon started off with “That’s exactly what this is.” Jon decided turning around again to leave.

“Come off it, Jon!” Gendry yelled, he quickly blocked Jon’s attempt to leave again. He was adamant to bring Jon home, even if doing so led to Jon punching him. He could see the shorter man’s fists balling up at his sides, the patience wearing thin was palpable on the man’s face.  

“I was angry, yes.” Gendry admitted, crossing his arms out of frustration and an attempt to keep warm despite his furs. “And scared and excited for the opportunities that it would give me.” His voice went soft towards the end.

Jon’s face softened slightly at that, he took a deep breath, unsure how to admit what he knew. “Arya told me, before the court’s ruling.” That earned him a raised brown from Gendry.

Before he could ask, Gendry answered, cutting him off. “I’m not doing this believing it will bring Arya back to me. I know she’s gone, sailing off to find what’s west of Westeros.” He lost all the gusto in his stance, “I pray for her safety and for her return, if that’s what she wants.” He says solemnly, Jon could feel the pain reverberate from him. It was the same pain that Jon was feeling for the past fortnight.

Gendry sucked in his cheeks, letting the air set in his chest before exhaling loudly. He looked tired now, and much older than he was . “But I didn’t come here for revenge or for Arya. I did it for you. I wasn’t gonna leave you again, not like this. I made a promise to you before we left to pass beyond the wall and left at your request and I did the same when we left for King’s Landing. Unless you have a good reason for me to do so now again, I’m not leaving you here.”

That sparked the storm to rage in Jon’s eyes. “I killed Daenerys, our Queen. The woman who legitimize you. Good enough?”  Jon thought it was, who would want to still be linked to someone who had killed the person who helped Gendry in a way no one else could?

“She legitimized me so that I couldn’t go against her.” Gendry stated in a matter of fact tone. “Robert Baratheon usurped her father and their entire kingdom.” He reminded Jon.  “Legitimizing me had me where she wanted me. I disregard her offer, she could kill me. I agree and later go against her down the road, she would kill me. She wasn’t an ally to me, I was merely a pawn to her, and she knew it.”

Gendry took Jon by the shoulders, when Jon refused to look him in the eyes, Gendry lifted his chin. “You didn’t know she was capable of that, you didn’t know she would kill thousands of people. You don’t deserve this.”

Jon’s lip quivered, his vision became blurry with tears. “Neither did she.” His voice cracked, he was pulled into a hug by Gendry, two slowly sunk to the ground as Jon broke.

It was hitting him hard now, he had lost the woman he loved, his friends, and his family. Everything.

He would always be a curse, a stain upon his family and society.

“At least you’re not a bastard anymore. Can’t say that we have that in common.” Jon looked up, realizing he had stated his thoughts out loud. “But you’re definitely not a curse upon anyone either.”

Jon nodded, “You know?” referring to his parentage.

Gendry nodded, he pointed to Davos. “He told me.”

Jon turned to see Davos and Brienne further back now, allowing for the two men to have their conversation in semi-private area. “You still don’t think I’m a curse then? Because of me a war started, because of me my mother died, and because of me, my father was killed and my uncle had to take me in as his bastard- leading to his wife to resent me and him. Because of me King Robert Baratheon married Cersei. I was the root to all this.”

Jon wiped his nose again, expecting Gendry to say something cloying-ly sympathetic.

But instead he laughed, a chuckle really. “You believe all this is funny?!” Jon asked incredulously.

Gendry cleared his throat, but a smirk still pulled at his lips. “You honestly believe you caused all this?” he asked. “It’s like me saying I’m responsible for my mother sleeping with that whore of a man.” Gendry reasoned. “We’re not responsible for our parents’ decision, I shouldn’t have to answer for my father’s sins and guilts.” He got up and grasped Jon’s hand to pull him up from the snow. “You can’t be responsible for the decisions your parents and uncle made. They made them, they had the answers to questions that are older than the King resting at King’s landing right now and now no one can answer them, so why are you expecting to answer them yourself?”

“I’m not Robert Baratheon. I’m not committed to letting history repeat itself with me.” Gendry stated, more to himself than to Jon, his eyes closed for a moment as if it were something he needed to remind himself. “And you’re not Rhaegar or Lord Stark.” He reminded Jon gently.

 Jon sniffed at that, his eyes were still misty but he managed to give out a ghost of a chuckle. “I can’t really see you with Arya, you feel too much for her.” He said absentmindedly, not realizing how the words would and could hurt his friend. “I-I didn’t mean it like that.” Jon apologized quickly.

Gendry wavered his apology, “It’s the truth though.” He said quietly. He understood Arya’s pain, he truly did. It was different from the pain he was feeling from and from what Jon was feeling. It was a bottomless pit of despair fueled by rage and anger that now was beginning to scar over and heal. He knew she needed time and space. He loved her enough to give her that.

She was his best friend, he could let her go for the sake of her sanity and healing.

But he knew letting go of his other best friend would lead to losing him for sure.

“You can’t answer for her sins either.” Gendry reminded Jon. “I don’t know what she was thinking, all I know is that you did what you had to do given the situation. I don’t know if any of us would have done anything different. Maybe you just did it sooner than any of us would have decided to.” Gendry sighed, he settled his hand on the back of Jon’s neck, “I can’t say I would have had the balls to do what you did, but I understand why you did it. None of us want you to punish yourself for having to take down a Queen who could have killed us all.”

“I loved her.” Jon whispered, “I loved her.”

Gendry nodded, “I’m not leaving you like this.” Was the only thing he could come up with as a response.

“No one in King’s Landing would allow it.”

“I sincerely doubt anyone at King’s Landing or at any of the other townships would care to check in with the Night Watch to confirm that you made it. And I asked to make sure of that.”

“What would you have me do? Hide in secret?” Jon asked testily. Gendry knew it wasn’t directed at him.

“Be my master of spies, of law, or whatever. Just come to Storm’s Landing with me. With us.” Gendry begged.

Jon rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “I’m sure the King would be pleased to know you allowed an exiled member of the council back into your fold.”

Gendry’s smile made Jon smile unwillingly, “What are the chances he already knows and we would be just exiled together?” it made both men laugh.

“My father always told me it was best to beg for forgiveness rather than ask for permission.” Davos chimed in, by his side Brienne. Both looked relieved and happy to see both men laughing. “And by any ways, it would be the four of us, not just the two of you who would exiled.” Davos pointed out, his voice held no venom or contention.

“What would be your decision, your grace?” Brienne asked Jon.

Jon looked at the three of them. His chest felt heavy as he remembered their faces at the council hearing. He never suspected that they would follow him here.

Jon licked his lips, weighing the pros and cons of going to Storm’s End. He looked at Gendry, at first he was hopeful about their friendship, desperate for it to be something similar to Lord Stark and King Baratheon’s friendship. Hoping it would be a sign to a promising future for the two bastards, the two people who no one ever though twice of.  

But it was never that, not just because he wasn’t King of the North anymore, or because Gendry was a Lord, or because he ended up being the nephew instead of the illegitimate child of Eddard Stark and the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark.

But because he genuinely liked and trusted Gendry. He found a like-minded friend in Gendry and admired his honesty, humbleness, and his stubbornness.

It was like having a brother again.

It was akin to the relationship between Robert and Eddard.

Except it wasn’t.

Gendry wasn’t Robert.

And Jon wasn't Eddard.

Neither had to answer for their father’s pasts.

 Jon nodded, “I’ll come with you to Storm’s End.” He decided, not assuming he would be pulled into a hug by Gendry.

It was the closest feeling to home Jon had felt in the past weeks.

Gendry let him go, but his hand remained on Jon’s shoulder. “Let’s go then.”

Jon alerted them to leaving his horse and personal items behind at the camp. It didn’t take too long for Jon to sneak back and to grab his items. He felt Ghost watching from the sides to make sure none of the Wildlings would stop him.

The four trotted back, with Davos and Brienne leading.

Jon pulled his hoarse closer to Gendry’s. “Thank you.”

“What’s family for.” Gendry replied bashfully, thankful that the cold already was making his face pink. He was aware he was blushing.

Brienne quickly caught a glimpse of the two before turning her attention to Davos. She bit back a laugh at the knowing smile on his face that he had had on the entire ride.

“I’m sure you’re happy.” She chided gently. “You got your boys back.” She smiled.

Davos chuckled, “I did, didn’t I?”


End file.
